Hope.
What was it ever there for?
Woke up feeling really awkward today. Had a dream, but can't remember anything about it. And that's what makes me feel weird I guess, when you know that the sweeper of dreams walks by you every morning only to sweep away what could have been dearest to you. Then you start to wonder whether there really is someone who decides what you are to dream of every night.
The Awakening.
So yeah, I woke up, had a porridge lunch my Dad cooked for my Grandma and I, and left for Gary's place. As usual I was late, and the silence that welcomed me really made me wish that I wasn't. Angela was watching anime, Melvin was animating the work we already had, and Gary was busy being completely taken away by every moment of FF13. Honestly it is a great game. Amazing graphics, interesting gameplay, brilliant character design. How I wish I had a PS3 right now...ah artificial vanilla icy...wait what.
Got started on work immediately, started cleaning up audio and video clips, converting my JPEG images to PNG images, etc. Then started slacking by playing Maple. Yes, I know, don't judge me.
Something really shocked me today.
Been a long time since I've been this puzzled.
I can't say much, because I have never been in that situation before. But it's pretty safe to say that all of us, at some point in our lives, have had that similar kind of hope.
Some of us hope that maybe we'll get good exam results.
Some of us hope that we'll get through the whole week of school.
Some of us hope that friends who've turned their back on us would realise that something's missing.
Some of us hope that telling your wife you've got a raise, instead of telling the truth that you've really been retrenched, would make the anxiety go away.
Some of us hope that we won't have to hope anymore cause maybe things will go our way.
Guess what Melvin said was right. We all hope only to regret it. But he missed out a point.
That's just that journey.
Honestly, I wouldn't say it's over until the fat lady sings. And nope, not even caught a glimpse of her yet, so we'll all hafta keep on moving. It's pretty corny, but it's true.
So we may feel empty. We all are, after all, empty vessels burdened by the weight of sin, trudging through an ugly world. You may not believe it, but I do. That emptiness will be filled somehow, and that depends on what you choose to fill it up with.
We're all meant to be broken so that we know how to be fulfilled.
Some things change. Some don't.
What does, is up to us.
It's pretty awkward to read your old posts. No, really, it is. Haha. Felt like someone else wrote it when I was reading it. Can't believe I actually wrote all that.
Realised how many times I posted about how useless I felt when it was a time someone needed my help the most.
A similar incident happened recently, just a few months back, and I could say this one was the ugliest of all. But hey, reminder right there.
It's pointless feeling useless. And after all this time I've still not learnt.
But no, not this time.
Tonight's the night the world begins again.
