It's been a long time since rock and roll...

Waiting..
waiting on the world to change

bold italic underline link

Tagboard!
Recommended cbox
Max width: 165

IMEEM!
at imeem/baidu/you own web host
Max width: 165

Designer: x x x
Image: x x
Hosts: x x x
Style: x
Font: x

Καλώς ήρθατε!
watch out as the day passes by

bold italic underline link

Hello! You can navigate to other stuff through the pictures on the left, and don't forget to check out the imeem =)

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

8:42 AM

Ok.

So I'm back.

Still holding on. Supposed to be sleeping, but I can't sleep.

Hillsong was brilliant. Never had a time like that since FOP last year. Well Fusion this year was supposed to be special...but it keeps bringing me to a different perspective.

Gave it all I had. Had a sorethroat and my limbs were aching after the concert. And it's also pretty stressful juggling between two groups of friends...man Noelle you weren't alone. Man, miss hanging out with the seniors. It's been a long time, yea it was since FOP I went for an outing like that. And after the concert I was supposed to meet the rest at T3, but they went to T1 instead, so I decided to go back.

And I also went for cell. Coincidentally the video Edmund Bek showed was strangely related to what I was going through. And yep, lotsa catching up. Talking to Edmund, Justin. Yep. Hanging out in Caltex pass 10 again. And buying my milk tea. Haha. But alot of people were overseas also anyway. Daniel, Prash, Ben. Yep. And it's kinda odd not seeing everyone in school uniform anymore. Like Damien and Xavier would be in white and navy blue. So will Josh and Luke. Yep, and people like Becky and Choey would be in Mg uniform. But now they're all in their jc uniform, home clothes, whatever have you. Man I feel like a kid! =D

And sunday. Well going on a lunch date with Noelle was cool. Edmund Tan (Notice I'm putting surnames cause it can get confusing at times) joined us soon after that too. Haha man it was the sunday he finally came and I didn't sing in the choir. How screwd up am I...haha. Yep, and choir practice was cosy. I mean, a cosy feeling I guess. Small crowd. Oh yea and dear Noelle didn't sing too cause of her sore throat. But it's getting better now.

FYI I'm not typing the events in order. Just rambling.

And I'm totally in love with the Saviour King.

As in, not the song.

The Real Saviour King.

Haha I've been pulling through and it's because of Him. Slowly picking up the pieces again. Going back to what I've been doing. Like faithfully going for cell on fridays (I hope), being able to juggle between my 2b2 06 friends (Chia, Zach, KKP, Barney, DJ, JD, Nico, Mitch), 07 batch (Xavier, Damien, Bin Soon, Matt Ong, Prash, D.Ang, other cell mates and seniors), BBB [Last B stands for brothers, btw](BT, JK, JP, BC, JL, others). Aye too tired to tpe all the names. It's hard, but I hope they all understand...I'm caught up in different world nowadays. So yep.

And I read the history of the Greco-Persian War today. I'm officially a nerd. Whoopie.

And Leonidas and Aristodemus are cool people.

I wanna be a spartan. Hawhaw wild dream.

Already revised for chem spa tomorrow.

Guess I'll drown myself in a game of Dawn Of War.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

9:49 AM

I'm feeling useless again.

Well, at least saturday was fun. Yep, Lazer Tag at Punggol Primary. Didn't turn out to be BQ at all, heh wrong info. And before that I had some other enrolment parade rehearsal also. Gosh, haven't played the drums for so long. Feels good again. Jammed abit with Weyshi also. I'm kinda looking forward to PND now, though I know I can't cope.

Lazer Tag was brilliant too. Teaching and helping out, with friends like Bryant, Xavier, Saiful. Haha pretty cool. And the dinner and everything, great. Walking around the shopping mall too. Reflecting back at life. Sharing their experiences with me. Kinda understand how they miss it all. I miss it all too. Man, all the fun stuff happens in their batch. Why couldn't I be born 10 months before...oh well. But yea, it was great hanging with them. And I won't be seeing Bryant for 3 weeks. He's going off on holiday for 3 weeks. Crazy, ain't it. =p

And there're so many things I wanna post about saturday. Just that I'm not in the mood now.

I don't feel accomplished. Saturday's was one of the times I felt useful again, like as if someone finally acknowledged I was there. It's that feeling again, that I've lost along the way all this while. That pride, passion.

But now, it's back to square one.

Coincidentally Mr Mak sent an email with a powerpoint around this topic.

Going back to the start. It hurts.

I've not been talking to Noelle properly lately. And I don't know why I can't cheer her up anymore. I can't do what I did in march. Why didn't I even notice she was disappointed.... I can't think of anything now...and it hurt me when she said I was making her upset.

I can't really save anyone, can I...

And that phonecall on friday...I really blew it.

I've been screwing up this whole while.

Why

I'm throwing my second chances away

Why

I guess that's why I've been turning to friends. 2B2 06s, seniors, ex bsf mates.

I'm trying to get my old life back...I still can't accept change.

I'm slowly breaking down here.

And I try picking myself up with worldly things...

And I guess only Saiful knows what I'm talking about...

I'm such a dumbass.

I've lost my true ability...whatever happened to that drumming spirit. That passion for people, to be a blessing?

All I'm doing is hurting now...I know running away won't help...

But I can't find my strength anymore...

I don't feel like it's me anymore...like...I don't feel appreciated at all...and the friends I've been making...are they really right in the sight of God?

Sometimes people disappoint me...

I remember when he said that God spoke to him. I felt encouraged, and inspired to move on. I remember the leadership he took in ltc. I respected him. And the ideas he had of helping me. And I remember when he promised he'd raise 800 bucks for the council. And when he had ideas of leading worship.

I was so looking forward to it.

But it never happened.

I'm so confused with my trust now.

Have I been walking rightly?

I want my past back.

My old friends.

My old family.

My old talents.

My old achievements.

My old memories.

My old me.

I guess I'll never get them back.

That innocence...

Hafta keep pressing on.

Like what that powerpoint slide(sounds cheesy, I know) said..it's not easy.

But pick up the pieces of your shattered hopes and dreams, put them all together and move on.

I've never wanted this ending.

But hey, it's barely the start.

Btw...was woken up by my phone ringing....yep and an sms saying someone sent me an email.

Read it already...I really wanna do my best to make up...but so many things going on.

And so I decided to post.

I wanna be an encouragement to people...I've been trying hard...but most of the time I don't even know when to start...

I'm just a sad song....

And everyone's singing along.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

8:20 AM

There I go again.

The stupid things I do.

Why am I always like that?

I hate myself for hurting them.

Hurting her, especially.

I'm regretting a whole lot now.

I need a love that never fails.

My own love has failed.

Failed me.

Failed her.

Just wanna say sorry.

I've always relied on the help of other people.

When am I gonna stand up for myself.

How am I gonna do things myself.

Why do I want to be independent, when I can't even last a single second.

There're so many things I think I know.

Forgiveness.

How can a sin be forgiven?

Have you ever tried?

'Maybe you need to forgive yourself first'

Here I go rambling.

Just needed to type out something.

Why can't I just learn.

Without humility, you'll never learn.

Second chances.

Prayers.

Never noticed that inner beauty in her.

I'm freakin regretting a whole lotta shit here.

And I've got a whole list of people to apologise to.

Well, I'm pretty experienced in this.

I meant the pissing people off part.

Right.

Always wanted to make a change.

And this is how I change it.

Great.

What a dumbass.

Me.

Forgive and forget.

I don't think I can forgive myself for doing that.

It's a war.

In me.

Outside me.

Everywhere.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

11:21 PM

Alright. Gonna post.

Feels odd. Haven't done this for a long time.

Hmm it's been exams lately. Having lotsa of fun. Haha enjoyed doing my SSH and Geog papers. Other that that it pretty much sucked....especially physics and a maths for obvious reasons haha. And I hope I can do well for my english paper one. Mhm. Supposed to study for chem. Haha dunnoe what to do now. Just played a game of Dark Crusade. Yep Imperial Guards aren't that bad.

Shall start from yesterday. Went to play lan for an hour with Barnabas, Wayne, Brandon, Jerome, Sean, Jun Kai and Ashley. Met other people there too like Eugene, Joseph and more other people. Hawhaw. Yep, played one game of dota, got owned. Haha at least I killed Sean 3 times hahaha k fine. Yep and my kills were higher than my deaths..not that bad. =D

After that went to Wayne's house. Played his 360. And alot of retarded stuff happened while we were there...haha sth about the maid =p. And we're blaming the dog HAHA =p. Yep and Jun KAi kept punching me non-stop. The way I resemble Wayne's punching bag. Wow. Haha but yea I want those kicking things so that I can train. So cool yayee.

After that, went back home. And then went to Bryant's house at like 7.45. Wanted to go way earlier, but couldn't cause he ended work at 6. Heh. Was planning to watch FF7 AC again. Oh well. At least I played his psp for a while...and we were late for Aikido lesson cause Bryant and Gavin were watching Ah Long PTE LTD. Haha quite funny..though I was concentrating more on the psp :D. And I finally got my white belt and gi! Haha yea I'm retarded I know whoopie.

And I learnts lotsa new stuff. Like my first grapple and some hand lock thing...dammit I can't remember japanese terms. Oh well.

Yep, then had supper, and I left early cause I wanted to go home and sleep.

Man, I can't for Hillsongs. And 28 may. And 31 may. ROD. Finally letting go of my sash.

Stupid Spiderman's uncle sayings "With great power comes great responsibilty." Never really understood that till I got hold of the sash. Mhm.

Cycling trip too! I hope it's at East Coast park. Then we can cycle at the runway! Haha so cool.

And a certain song. Numb. Pretty old song. Never really understood it's meaning, till yesterday. Oh well.

Yep.

Febuary stars.

So temporary.

And thanks Noelle for yesterday =)

And I think I'm going to Swee Lee this saturday with Tim and DJ. I wanna buy new sticks. Still considering between 7A(My current one) or getting heavier sticks, like 5A. And I can't find the stickers Kelly gave me last christmas. Man haha now I dunnoe what to stick on my sticks. Haha geddit stick on sticks. Ok wait now it just sounds wrong. Aww man.

Alright. Gonna study chem.

"You see when bonds form right, the particles become happy so they start throwing a party, then they throw party they give out lotsa of energy. So it's exothermic."

Thursday, April 10, 2008

6:01 AM

Gonna be a short one. My internet's screwing up as I type this.

Just wanna say i'm sorry for the promises that I've broken. Guess I've gotta make up for the breakups.

I kinda miss alot of things right now. Cell. The jokes. The company.

The friends. Haha I really miss hanging with Xavier and Damien and Prash and the rest. Hmm I wanna go to BRMC soon...wonder what it's like now. Haven't talked to mst of the people for a pretty long time.

I'm missing alot of stuff. I still miss sec 2 days. I miss the 2b2 gang man. Haha.

I don't mind failing o levels this year. Retaking it again. Staying in secondary as long as possible. Staying in the best part of my life as long as possible. Well, that is if my friends stay back with me. But that's not gonna happen, so I'm gonna hafta move on.

I'm kinda dreading the working life. Don't even know why I'm thinking of it now.

Well unless I become a teacher haha. Nah I suck at teaching, not gonna happen anytime soon =p I already have problems teaching the sec 1s drums...well it's not like everybody's gonna be a Silas anyway. Right k too much info there. =D

Oh well. I keep blogging about missing something. How bout something's missing. Haha k was that a pun? =p

But yea. I miss the drums at choir room. I miss playing behind those friends. I miss playing with the guy who's a little shorter than me, and just makes love to the crowd with his guitar. The guy who looks at much more behind his specs, caressing his black bass with smooth plucks and slaps. The guy who thinks he's Cristiano Ronaldo, who's singing his heart out. The short guy who's strumming up and down on his electric. And guiding all that is a man, older than us, grey hair, with that smile that makes you want to do your best.

I miss all that.

Hmm, I just wanna play the drums again. I wanna count for something. Something good.

Oh well. Hope enrolment's my next chance.

And Nic lent me his PC Game magazine. Loads of cool stuff larr, like Red Alert 3. Haha gosh dogs with bagpacks that amplify their barks to stun people. Crazy shizzzz haha.

Listening to Delirious now. There goes another memory. Last year's FOP. Haha such a pity I got an injury on my hand, I couldn't shake their hands properly during the autograph sessions. Awww, haha can't wait for them to play again soon.

Well, and I read about SoulStorm in that mag too. The latest craze. Well, among Khoo, Gabs and I, that is. Not to mention Keith and Kendrick and the rest. And I'm so jealous of Gabs now! I want SS too!

Oh and I hope Ben's ok. Stupid Pneumothorax. Screw it lar, haha. See lar, tell so many lame jokes, laugh too much, now kena hole in your lung. =p haha k fine, well he's ok now, after the operation. Yep, hope we can see him this sunday.

Hmm I still feel bad for breaking the promises I made. Well, dear I've just gotta say that I'm thinking of long term goals. Hope you got what I meant =)

But I guess I'm gonna hafta forget all that. To move on.

Seems like the yesterdays are getting older. Tomorrows are getting younger.

Everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same.

It's surprising, how things change really quickly. In this fast paced world.

Haha, least I'm still swinging to the beat.

Beat of what? Well it's all in my head hawhawhaw.

K that sounded wrong. And right now I have an email to reply to. I'm thinking a long one, like, really really long. Guess I've got alotta things to say.

And cool I just broke another promise. I said this post would be a short one. There goes my trust. Haha.

Oh and another thing to mention. My da sao's new house is cool. 20 storeys up high. Feels like you're flying. Not only that, the Flyer's in view from there.

By the way, the second part of your present is still on. I wasn't joking about it. Just tell Brandon and I when you're free =)

Oh and MY NAPFA'S TOMORROW! Ahh I'm pretty worried for alot of things. Well, everything escpet sit ups and broad jump. I wanna get all As! Like, I already have an A for my 2.4, so yea. I wanna get that streak I almost got in sec 2. Haha.

Oh well. Signing off.

Flying.

Again.

To where my dream sweeper takes me to.

And when it's all over, the memories are washed away.

Who knows when they'll come back.

We just keep waiting, and waiting, and waiting....

For His eye is on the sparrow. And I know He watches me.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

9:16 AM

Thank You
For the promises You made
For the gift of love You gave
Always, I'll sing Your praise

Thank You
For the chance to live again
For Your grace that never ends
Always I'll sing Your praise

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I belove a King
To You I sing

Cause You mean everything to me
You're all this world will never be
Your Name reigns in my heart
You're all that I depend on

8:58 AM

Say hi to the world, dear.

Hi.

Now what.

Hmm I'm not hat sure myself. Here I go talking to myself on the internet. Very fun.

Watched Contender today. Realling interesting. What's the most interesting part though, is how one of the muay thai fighter's christian. Not only that, he's from Middle East. So cool, haha gosh. Thinking of picking up muay thai. But I'm scared of the religious things they do. Sian, but looking at contender, I guess it in possible to keep to my religion. Hmm and the fight was interesting. But I feel quite bad for Sean, I could tell he really gave up, which is quite sad. But well that thai guy(I can't say/spell his name, it's in thai) was really strong anyway. Can't wait for next week's fight.

And I was thinking throughout the whole day. Pretty tired of thinking.

I should just move on.

And also, this might be my last time using the com till after mid years. Ahhh I don't want that to happen.

I seriously wanna study out too.

Maybe with the two of them at KAP like, everyday.

I can't concentrate at home.

Hmm.

I can't believe I still miss the 07 batch. I still can't get over the fact that Barker feels really different. From last time. Changing teachers, principals, students. I don't feel that tradition anymore. I don't feel that passion, that spirit. Everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same. I miss the guys running around, hugging, the handshaking stuff, the pranks, the shouts, the really lame jokes, the unity, the spirit. Hmm, how I wish I was born one year earlier....

And it doesn't feel the same with the teachers too. Just feels out of place. It's just one of those times I feel out of place again. Changes.

Changes for tomorrow.

For better, for worse.

The changes two of us has made for the sake of happiness. For the sake of moving on.

Sometimes I sit and wonder, what am I really doing.

Should just drop out of school and travel around the world.

Travel to the furthest star in heaven.

And fly freely.

Like as if we don't have enough free will already...

But please Lord, don't pass me by.

I'm hungry for You Lord.

It's one of those times where I'm stuck again. Slowly picking the pieces of me up.

I miss my brothers.

I miss my old family.

I miss my old friends.

I miss my old self.

I miss innocence.

I miss joy.

I miss clarity.

I miss her.

Going back in time doesn't really help, you just have to get through the same shit again.

So I'll just keep moving on.

Moving on. I forgot what it meant.

What's the purpose of having a purpose.

I forgot.

I forget.

I've been forgotten.

Sometime's I'm there, sometime's I'm not.

Where am I?

I've lost myself, for good within Your promise.

Here I go, rambling again.

How I'd float along yesterdays again.

But don't worry, I'm pretty much happy after saying all this out.

I'm starting to type like my brother.

Monday, April 07, 2008

8:09 AM

And so it is

My heart's been dried up

My body wasted away

The rain's falling again

The storm's everlasting

The whispers are gone

Gone away. Gone from me

Seems so empty

Shadows embrace me

But these shadows of mine

Prove the sunshine

I know you've found that sunshine

I'm still on my way. I'm still looking for that sunshine

But don't worry, I'll find it. Someday

I'll find it again in you

I just want you to know, that I'll love you too

Behind my work, my studies, my other friends, there's a heart

A beating heart

A heart with the sound of you

The warmth, the embrace

I know you're waiting for me. I'll wait for you too

It's that rainbow again

You're that rainbow

That stands out from the darkness in me

Sunshine, come and help me sing

My heart is frozen

My heart is darkened underneath

You'll be in my heart, always

And I'm not afraid to say it

You do mean alot to me, even now

2 years. I'll be strong

I'll be strong for us

Somehow I feel it's all part of His will for us

I'm willing to accept it

Hope your sore throat goes away. Your voice sounded good over the phone

The storm's fading

You're coming in with the light

We're crooked souls trying to stay up straight
Dry eyes in the pouring rain
The shadow proves the sunshine
The shadow proves the sunshine

Just want you to know

that I love you =)